If You Stare Long Enough Into the Blizzard

I wake up in the morning with such high hopes. I believe I can just lather and rinse sleep out of my head while in the shower, step out and dry off and feel refreshed. A bowl of cereal will energise me with vitamins and the daily recommended dosage of everything a body needs, and then over a cup of tea I’ll settle down in front of the laptop and start to write. It will flow out of me, inspired by the start of a new day and with the raw material of last night’s dreams. But this doesn’t happen, not exactly. I wake up, struggle to lift my arm to press the snooze button. For maybe the briefest moment I believe I could get up and hit the shower, but then I sink back down into the pillow, and grogginess slips over my brow like wet plaster cast, slowly hardening. I lay in bed for over an hour, flirting with sleep, hovering somewhere between awake and asleep.

The shower feels good, hot water pouring over me, but instead of energizing me, the steam keeps me on the perimeter of wakefulness. I get out, shave, lethargic like this may still be a dream, but I have to go through the motions, the morning rituals to now get from the bathroom to the kitchen and my bowl of cereal.

The highly sugared cereal does give me a momentary buzz. I brew my tea, starting to feel excited again, like I can actually get down to writing a story this morning. While it brews I make the bed. I pour the tea, settle in my chair, boot up…and then. The internet. I tell myself I will just read the morning headlines to find out what atrocities occurred while I slept soundly in my bed. Usually a few stories draw my attention, and I read on and on while I sip my tea, and I get sleepy, or overwhelmed, or at least warped from the previously unadulterated state of mind I was in before logging on to the internet. After going from National news of car bombs, to local murders during robberies, to business news about bankruptcies, and then to Entertainment news of movie stars sleeping with nannies or the latest divorce news, I go to the blogs, thinking perhaps a more personal view of this mayhem will bring me back to the lucid state needed to write.

I always go to Brad Zellar’s blog, his current storefront being Yo Ivanhoe! to get a doubleshot of the more concentrated me; … I can’t begin to describe his world view, but it resonates, strikes a cord, speaks to the more angst ridden side of me. But he is an insomniac, and I am the opposite. What is the opposite of an insomniac? A narcoleptic? That’s not me though, I don’t fall asleep throughout the day; it’s more like I go through the day in mortal combat with sleep. Got to wake up. Got to get out of the chair to move the rabbit ears to hopefully clear the television fuzz, but I can’t find the strength or discipline to leave the comfort of the chair. If you stare long enough into the blizzard, you start to see shapes anyway. This will entertain me for a while…


TV Blizzard