I ate a bag of animal crackers today. Half the time I couldn’t figure out what animal it was. Sometimes I could blame it on limbs being broken off, but most of the time it just looked like some amorphous shape, like the batter had oozed beyond its outlines. Where did the giraffe go, and the bear? Who turned the playful monkey into a disfigured hunchback? And if I’m unsettled by this, what effect does it have on kids? These crackers are why are kids are so confused these days. I’ll bet the steady decline in national IQ scores is directly related to the degradation of the animal cookie. Who is going to do something about this? Or a better question might be: why is a 37 year old guy eating animal crackers?
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